Ticking Boxes

The coffee I am holding in my left hand is making it slightly more difficult than usual to type my blog, a byproduct of multi tasking I hear you cry well maybe but the truth is this coffee is formulated to perfection and today I will share that recipe with you.

 I would like to say it has been pain staking work researching all the permutations available, factoring in the many options and gruelingly consuming endless cups of the stuff but the reality was nothing like that. There was no scientific research no lab involved no samples or controls in place just paid my money and drank. This is then the distillation of a few years of coffee at the weekends random samplings of various chains each with their own blend of beans and extras. If we were being objective about it I probably should have kept some kind of tally maybe given them a score much like a restaurant critic but this was never an exercise in highlighting the good from the bad it was purely selfish in order that I could get the best I could so the knowledge stayed locked up inside my head but now I feel I have reached the end, it is time to share.

I feel slightly annoyed to say it and it took me a while to get over it myself for I am no fan of chains and even less of multi nationals but there are times when you have to look in to the abyss and say do I want a good coffee or not, suck it up and get on with it. There are plenty of smaller independent places which if they were more prevalent I would probably go to more frequently. I am a big fan of the Ape vans they do good coffee but I think I am more smitten with the actual vehicle, then there is Monmouth's legendary coffee. The very thing that makes these smaller places so good is their scale so they cannot be considered a staple supply. I found Costa's blend to be a little bitter for me and I loved, for a while, collecting the little stamps from Nero but in the end it was clear it was Starbucks that stood out.

For me the perfect order is more than just the end product. There is this whole bit in between it allows you to show your credentials. It is a sort of game, on the one side you have your experience on the other thier skill as a barista. You should know your order already but I like to play a poker face, I spend I little time looking at the board then when asked I pause a moment longer. The delivery is all important, without hesitation or deviation you must deliver your order leaving no margin for a return question. If this goes well your part is done, one of two things happen next. The barista takes your order passes it on to the next machine operator and no other questions are exchanged other than pleasantries, it is a draw. Or they look like a rabbit in the headlights and have to ask you to repeat the order, you're the winner. 

So here it is my perfect Starbucks coffee order 

                    Grande-Decaffee-Hazelnut-Latte-With 2 pumps not 3 to take away.

The coffee should be hot to the point that you cannot drink it for at least 2 mins but I don't take a cardboard wrap around (doing my bit for the planet).  The size needs to be Grande for the ratio of Hazelnut (2 pumps) to coffee to be correct and if you pay with your Starbucks card you get the extra stuff free. Then to top it all off you get a load of the boxes down the side of your cup ticked.

The muffin is not necessary but always nice.